Why don't you stay?
by SylvieT
Summary: Post 9 05. My take on how it should have ended. Spoilers only if you did not watch it!


"Please, would you stay?", it was barely a whisper.

She hesitantly closed the door, remembering the times he had been there for her as a friend. First when her daughter had been killed and she sought revenge from her killer and a year later when she didn't gain custody of her grand-daughter and she fell to pieces.

She felt this time he needed her help and she knew he was a private man who did not confide easily, if at all. She also knew Sara understood him, why else would she have waited all these years for him. Heather realised now that Sara had gone, his balance had shifted, gone were his certainties. He had appeared lost, grief-stricken and defeated when she had opened her door and she had noticed straightaway the changes within him. Not only the physical differences, he looked much older than the last time she had seen him and so very tired but also the emotional changes, he almost looked unstable. Whereas in the past, his face was hidden behind a mask of emotion, a man used to guarding his feelings close to his chest and not letting anyone in, except for Sara, and maybe once even her many years ago if only fleetingly, his pain was clearly visible.

A few minutes later, having sat herself down on the armchair in the corner of the room, a few feet away facing him, she asked:

"Do you want me to stay as your friend or as a therapist?"

Instinctively, she knew that Grissom did not need or want her as a lover. This much was plain to see, he looked and sounded broken. He was distraught and she was loathed to take advantage of the situation. He had been a very good friend to her in her moment of need and she would try to be there for him. It was evident that he was tormented, clearly Sara's departure had left him drained, added she was sure to Warrick's death, which he hadn't mentioned but she had read about in the Press. Losing two loved ones had left him vulnerable.

Waiting for Grissom to open up to her, and she was not sure that he would have the strength, she observed him lying on the bed, his eyes shut, internally fighting the urge to let go and cry. After a long silence, he spoke at last, his eyes remaining closed all the while:

"I need you, Heather, I don't want to be on my own. Warrick's dead, Sara's gone. I don't know who to talk to or how to … Catherine's so full of her own grief and I can't even bring myself to give her support. Jim, well, he wouldn't know what to say. I need …. I need….."

His words faded and he became silent once more struggling to find the right words, any words to express himself.

"Grissom, I can't tell you what to do, you have to consider that maybe Sara in leaving made the choice for you. You've told me once that in her you had found your soulmate, that she respected your character and loved you for who you are and did not judge you. She probably figured that deep down you wanted the relationship over but you couldn't do it. She set you free."

Sara's haunting words or rather his own words, words he had uttered in a flash of anger the very last time he had seen her, came back to him _"If a relationship can't move forward, it withers"_ and he clenched his eyes tighter.

"The situation was not "beyond your control", Heather continued softly, you just did not know how to or want to take charge, Sara took the decision for you."

"_I've been waiting for you to decide but sometimes not making a decision is making a decision" _echoed in his mind once again.

"Sara knows you well, she knew that once she'd left for good, as her message seems to suggest, you would still have all the things in your life that you hold dear, your life, your career, your team."

At that he seems to want to protest but Heather raised her hand to silence him. "Let me finish," she added "you asked me to stay, surely it was because you value my insight and opinion. It seems to me that what Sara is in essence asking you is a step too far, a step you are not willing or even ready to take. You've allowed your work to consume your life and now you're not prepared to risk everything in order to be with her".

He seems to ponder these remarks for a while adding "She is wrong… all this…what you are talking about, he gestured with his hand, I don't seem to want it anymore. I'm tired… the job, the puzzles, they leave me distant, disengaged. They're not enough…" he whispered.

"You say the relationship is not over but isn't it?" She countered.

At that, he opened his eyes wide… he had not considered that, not really. He loved Sara with all his heart, a love deeper than he'd ever expressed and he knew she loved him too. That video message, he had seen through the over-talking, he knew despite her words to assure him of the contrary that she wasn't fine, he saw her lip quivering and her gaze shifting, as if she found it hard to look at the camera. _"You don't have to worry about me anymore, I'm good, I'm really good and honestly I think it was better this way"_ she had said. He also knew that for only the second time in their relationship, in her leaving she was putting herself first, she had to self-preserve, so many years of fighting the odds had taught her to survive and she was doing just that.

"You know, after she left, the second time, after Warrick died, when she asked me to go on a trip…"

"She was trying to meet you half way, not asking you to leave Vegas but just to be with her for a while, to put _her_ first". Heather interrupted him.

"I just said no". This one word sounded so final all of a sudden.

"Do you know why?" Heather asked softly, "and don't say it was beyond your control".

He did not reply, it just was not the right time for him then but now after all these months? He closed his eyes, once again deep in thought. After a while, Heather thought he had finally gone to sleep and she got up to leave quietly, to let him have his rest, but as she reached the door he spoke again softly, his voice barely a whisper and had the room not been so quiet, she would not have heard him.

"She's gone without me, it seems she's moving on". He recalled her words in her web message _"honestly, I think it's better this way"_ Had she really meant those last words?

At that Heather said "You'll figure it out, now you've got to hope it's not too late!" echoing her words spoken a lifetime ago. After that all she heard was a very long deep and sad sigh as she quietly left the room.


End file.
